Today’s Dilemma: Loveless Marriage & the DCE Framework Solution | Beyond Sasa CBO Coaching
Today’s Dilemma: Loveless Marriage Anxiety
Summary: A young wife, married for 3.5 years and blessed with a son, struggles with a loveless marriage. Her husband shows no affection, compassion, or intimacy, leaving her feeling invisible and emotionally drained. She wonders if this is normal, and whether she should stay or give another man who claims to love her a chance.
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Hi Susan, plse post for me this in the group and hide my identity and also kindly give your advise...
Ave been married for 3 and half years blessed with a son aged 2 and half. Problem is that my husband is so loveless, he shows no love, compassion, and appreciation toward me...
There was a time I almost went crazy about it because he could show me any love, I felt as if am married to my dad...
All he does is look at me go and come in, even when am dressing he doesn't look at me...
I feel so bad and down at times for being treated like this, like am one of the properties in the house...
My question is, is it normal, what can I do I am tired of this and worried because of the future too...
This man when he becomes better is we make love once in every week and mind you its not satisfying most of the times...
This matter I have talked to him... I told him 'nilikuwa nimefika mwisho'...
Advise me sisters, its now 2 years with these problems and others but this is the big one...
I have a man out there who loves me as he says, but am never with him cz I always hold myself... now am thinking of giving him a chance but I know too well I will be cheating. What should I do??
DCE Solution Framework
Summary: The DCE framework guides her to (1) DREAM of a marriage filled with love and respect, (2) build CAPACITY through emotional strength, boundaries, and external support, and (3) EXECUTE practical steps such as counseling, self-care, or separation if necessary. The solution validates her worth and empowers her to act with courage.
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1. DREAM (Clarity of Desire & Vision)
The first step is to clarify what you truly want in your marriage and life. From your message, your dream is clear: to experience love, intimacy, respect, and appreciation in your marriage; to be valued not just as a mother, but as a woman and partner; to have a safe, fulfilling relationship without neglect or abuse.
2. CAPACITY (Assessing Strengths, Resources & Boundaries)
Next, take stock of what you have and what you may need: your emotional strength, ability to communicate assertively, and self-worth. Seek external support from trusted friends, family, or professional counselors. Capacity also means knowing your limits—what you can tolerate without destroying your health.
3. EXECUTION (Steps Forward & Practical Choices)
Consider actionable steps: structured communication (couple’s counseling), focus on self-care and support, evaluate realistic options, and enforce boundaries. If the cycle of neglect and past abuse continues, separation may be necessary to protect your dignity and mental health.
Final Thought: This situation is not “normal”—love, compassion, and intimacy are core to marriage. Choosing not to play peacemaker at the expense of your emotional health is courageous. Your dream is valid, your capacity is growing, and execution will require strength—but you don’t walk alone.
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